Today I choose to be thankful.

I should preface this with the fact that this is not a cry for help. I don't need you to call me or send me cards. I will never turn down prayer, but you don't even need to do that for me if you don't have the time. I just needed to continue to be honest. I'm so overwhelmed. We've realized some new struggles the last few days and all I can do is think about these struggles. Honestly, it's been so hard to focus on the blog. I just feel frozen. Our trials are nothing compared to what other people are going through but they're big to us. It will humble us and bring us to our knees. It will draw us closer to  God. It will make us stronger. The Lord has already been making me stronger through Him these last few weeks. I wasn't anticipating more on my plate already but I guess we don't always get to choose what we want to order. Sometimes, His plan is bigger and better and I will trust Him for this. When I wipe away my tears and step back out of the situation, I see that facing this giant will also truly will make us stronger in Him. It will require more faith, work and perseverance, but with God, all things are possible. As I write these words, I am reminded of a friend's blog that I read just last night or this morning. She said that all of her blog posts have been positive but now she is dealing with some of her own struggles. She decided to list everything she is thankful for rather than dwelling on the tough stuff. What a timely post for me to read! I'm so thankful God brought her to mind while I began to write tonight.

I need to focus on one of my Mom's favorite verses right now:

"Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances - this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I Thessalonians 5:16-18

I am not feel happy right now, but the joy of the Lord can be my strength.
I am not know what to do but I can keep talking to the Lord until I know what to do.
I may not like my current circumstances, but I can thank God for the wonderful works He plans to do through them.

For once, I actually began this post with the title, which usually only comes after I write the entry. I typed,  "Today I choose to be sad" but now I am realizing that I don't want to choose to be sad. I know it's okay to be sad. I am completely aware that God is totally okay with me being bummed out right now. All I want to do is curl up in bed and eat (I will admit I did some emotional eating last night in bed. Purposefully. It was whole 30 approved but it was a rule breaker for myself.) and cry and sleep. However, I must not forget all of the things I have chosen to be and do over the last thirty plus days. I have believed for more. I have challenged, encouraged, and taught myself so many things through the direction of the Holy Spirit. All along, the Lord was just preparing me for this next little bump in the road. He was building me up knowing full well that I am capable of crumbling, yet because of the great work He has been doing in me,  I will stand strong. I may have chosen poorly a few steps along the way today because I was letting my emotions get the better of me. I didn't go to Bible study tonight. I stayed home and spent time with Lydia. After she went to bed, I cried. I talked to God a little but ended up talking to other people too. I think I need to call it a night and go spend some more time talking things over with the Lord. He will remind me of all the lovely truths He has been revealing to me during this season of getting healthy. I will choose not to stay in my sadness, but to be thankful for all the amazing things God has been doing.

Psalm 46 is on my heart tonight...

God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.^[c]

⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy place where the Most High dwells.
⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
    God will help her at break of day.
⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

⁷ The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

⁸ Come and see what the Lord has done,
    the desolations he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease
    to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
    he burns the shields^[d] with fire.
¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

¹¹ The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Father, tonight I pray that You will allow me to just be still and KNOW that You are God. Let me just trust you in this new struggle, as I trust you in every other area of my life. I submit my fears, my anxieties, my sadness, my worries, my frustrations, my heart, and my life to You. Thank you for preparing me in these past weeks so that I am able to walk in confidence, knowing full well that You are fighting for me. Thank you that though the earth gives way, I do not have to fear. Thank you for being with me in this time and for building me up with Your sweet Words of love and kindness. Amen.

Now Choose Life.